Alter Ego.

I think everyone has an alter ego. A person we wish we could be. A person with a naughty hidden talent or a secret fetish. A person with a aspiration or dream that doesn't fit your unfortunate stereotype (i say "unfortunate" because i hate the phrase "you fit the stereotype").

Alter egos are hidden in the darkest spaces of a person's mind because they have the ability to cause controversy with friends, family, co-workers but deep down most people want to let that person out.

and eventually they do.

i have reached that point. i want to abandon the good girl and really experience the world. do things i wouldn't normally do, but have been wanting to for a long time.

i think i have every right to feel this way. for my entire life i have maintained this image, the image that people have stuck me with, the good girl.

i didn't choose the image, it chose me. i am not a "good girl". i am justine, a growing and developing young women. the only difference was that i understood the importance of staying focused in school and taking care of business before i had fun. i guess, i got stereotyped just like everyone else in the world.

for so long i have wondered. what exactly is it to be a good girl?
well i've come up with tons of factors, that make me "good".

- i am nice to everyone.
- i like school
- i am parent approved
- i am focused on my future and rarely "stray" from my goals

yes, i am all of these things but i am so much more. i am truly sick and tired of being defined off of these few attributes. i am a teenager (soon to be 20). i like to have fun too.

i am tired of hearing people say "oh, justine wouldn't do that". oh, but i would and i want to and i will! i feel like people will never understand me, if they constantly speak for me (my mother does it all the time, she is president of the club).

i am going to shed the image. no, i don't mean hanging with the wrong crowd or sleeping around. i mean being less on the safe side and squeezing the juice out of my youth fruit tree. it is part of my huge change (the one i've been speaking about for the past few posts). i am going to live for the moment because i only have one, my life is that moment. with that said, i am going to start dating again. i am going to start clubbing with my friends more and simply enjoying my life without a care in the world. the party i threw last week definitely pushed me towards abandoning my stereotype wieght that i have carried since my elementary school days.

my birthday is coming. i am planning for a wonderful, crazy, spontaneous time. the perfect way to spend my 20th birthday. i can't wait. two weeks. a chance to be the "bad girl", i've been dying to be.

(perhaps getting my tattoo as a gift for myself? hm. i bet no one expected that one)