your doing something that could potentially be the worst idea ever?
yes i'm having one of those moments.
but being the freespirited person i am. i don't really care. its better to see what happens than wonder could have happened.
life is about mistake(s). if i'm about to make another one. so be it.
hm. today what do you hold?
movies with...
Monday, June 30, 2008
Trust, Sorry You Can't Afford It.
the truth in three words TRUST NO BITCH. best dimepiece advertisment, hands down.
The Truth Is In A Cookie?
best fortune cookie i have ever opened throughout my nineteen years of life. i keep it in my wallet and plan on laminating it (at work, shh).
i was also inspired by 4Five's beautiful away message this morning.
"live life everyday. to the extent even when you seem to be at your lowest continue smiling you'll survive. even if its by yourself"
The Rhythm To My Blues.
despite all the bad that is happening now. i must say having the song The Light dedicated to me was probably the sweetest thing i've ever known and it will not be forgotten.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
She On That Coke Diet.
despite all the terrible press lindsay gets, i realy like her as an actress and think she is one of the best dressed females of hollywood.
more power to her for that.
I Got A Story To Tell
Relationships? I hate them. Why? Being a female living in New York City I know that every guy is completely full of shit or making promises they can only keep for a certain amount of time. Nothing lasts forever and people change. Fine. But i really wish guys came with some type of warning label.
Recently i just got out of a relationship (it only reminded me how much i hate them).
We had gotten to know each other for a little over two months, March & April. He was with someone at the time but i didn't think anything of it because as far as i knew he was my friend, from day one. I would give him advice and just talk to him whenever he called. He was definitely a great guy and we had lots in common.
I had NO intentions of talking to him in any type of romantic way because breaking up a happy home isn't cute in any way shape or form.
Things started getting shakey between him and the girl he had been seeing for four years. One thing led to another and they broke up because she lied and got caught. Of course he let me know, but in my mind he was still my friend and nothing more (despite the sexual tension and flirting). a week into may i finally decided to hang out with him, i had no idea we were going on a official date until he paid. Things went well and we decided to make a second date the next day, the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. I know what your thinking, YOUR A REBOUND but he was certain it wasn't like that at all. I even overlooked the fact that he was two years younger than me (which is completely against everything i have lived by when it comes to dating). We got closer and closer and eventually i was meeting his mom, his "circle", and co-workers. Everything was going by so fast i couldn't stop to think but i just went along with the flow despite my doubt and lack of trust for him. All he wanted was my trust so i had to push all the nonsense to the side, now i realize it wasn't nonsense at all.
Things went well for awhile and then i started to get all these type of wierd friend requests and IMs. You know the nosey people that try to create drama. Mind you i had not gotten things like that until i started to date him. First few i ignored but then i they started to get vicious. I was completely stressed out and i felt like the happiness i should be feeling in a relationship that was so young, i wasn't. I was hurting and he didn't seem to give two fucks. Who knows if he did, he never told me anything.
He was so secretive. Wouldn't let me look through his camera or his phone.
Even then, i stayed. My friends warned me about him but i didn't listen because i thought what was going on was part of a relationship. I hadn't dated in so long, i forgot. I was hurting day in and day out and slowly things started to change. He didn't call as much and he was distant but no matter what i was there for him supporting. I argued here and there but it was only because i didn't seem to get through when i spoke to him. It was like talking to a wall. No reaction. Did he care about anything? And if he did, he wasn't acting like i was one of those things he cared for. I went days without speaking to him at all yet i claimed him as my boyfriend?
I started to realize arguing wasn't solving anything. Instead i just "let it rock". He called, he called. He didn't, he didn't. We still hung out and just enjoyed each others company which was undeniable. Soon he got a new job at a golf club and his stress level was higher. We stayed together but things got harder for me. I was completely neglected. He worked double shifts and i was left in the sidelines. Breaking up became a topic that kept coming up and eventually it became a reality. We broke up so he could focus. I was crushed. How could he turn his back on the me when i ahd done nothing but support him, his family, his life. I did nothing but respect him and felt abandoned.
I blame the fact that i gave so much. I gave so much too soon because i wanted to feel cared about. He cared in the begining i don't doubt that but things changed once i started to feel the "relationship pressure". Now i am left with nothing. For days i tried to figure out what went wrong and why we couldn't work it out.
It was only a job. Tons of couples have relationships and work two and three jobs. I am yet to know the answer. I think it was just an excuse to get away. The route a "boy" would take.
I may never know whats going on in his mind but i'm done trying to figure it out when i know the worst thing that i had done was be a girlfriend. I wasn't his friend anymore. I wasn't his homie and he forgot that some where along the lines.
Yes! i am angry because i let you in when i had worked so hard to build my guard. I let you meet my mother for god sakes. I don't let any guy meet anyone significant in my life and you did, but you just left me to feel stupid in front of so many people that i went against for you. i went against people i respected, for you.
Now i truly understand why they say NEVER mix love and friendship. I was a good person throughout and i refuse to doubt my character for someone that drained so much of me from myself.
I am not here to bash him because i still think he is an amazing kid but that was all he was, a kid. I am at a whole different level of life than he is. College and adulthood. Making decisions that determine the rest of my life while he is just dealing with getting out of high school. He looked older but it did not make up for his actual age, he is eighteen and eighteen is how he behaved.
He was looking for fun and i was looking for commitment. A guy that could support me if we stayed together long enough. He was not that guy.
He dealt with alot (yes i admit that) but so did I. At times i miss the little things like hand holding and just laying around with him but i realize that in the long run they would have done nothing for me. I'm glad it ended now before i really got heart broken. I wish him the best because he is incredibly talented.
I'm positive HE will come across this blog and honestly i am glad he will because at least then he can read how i feel all at once rather than hear it in bits and pieces.
I trust i won't be in a relationship for a good long time because perhaps i'm not ready for one quite yet and i am definitely okay with that especially after my learning experience. I had fun while it lasted.
With that said, i vow to never speak of this again. If we become friends again, fine. If not, thats just the way the cookie crumbles.
Its hard to let go and i may never completely get over the one kid i set aside all my morals for but all i can do is pray for a better tomorrow.
You'll leave my dreams soon enough.
Recently i just got out of a relationship (it only reminded me how much i hate them).
We had gotten to know each other for a little over two months, March & April. He was with someone at the time but i didn't think anything of it because as far as i knew he was my friend, from day one. I would give him advice and just talk to him whenever he called. He was definitely a great guy and we had lots in common.
I had NO intentions of talking to him in any type of romantic way because breaking up a happy home isn't cute in any way shape or form.
Things started getting shakey between him and the girl he had been seeing for four years. One thing led to another and they broke up because she lied and got caught. Of course he let me know, but in my mind he was still my friend and nothing more (despite the sexual tension and flirting). a week into may i finally decided to hang out with him, i had no idea we were going on a official date until he paid. Things went well and we decided to make a second date the next day, the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. I know what your thinking, YOUR A REBOUND but he was certain it wasn't like that at all. I even overlooked the fact that he was two years younger than me (which is completely against everything i have lived by when it comes to dating). We got closer and closer and eventually i was meeting his mom, his "circle", and co-workers. Everything was going by so fast i couldn't stop to think but i just went along with the flow despite my doubt and lack of trust for him. All he wanted was my trust so i had to push all the nonsense to the side, now i realize it wasn't nonsense at all.
Things went well for awhile and then i started to get all these type of wierd friend requests and IMs. You know the nosey people that try to create drama. Mind you i had not gotten things like that until i started to date him. First few i ignored but then i they started to get vicious. I was completely stressed out and i felt like the happiness i should be feeling in a relationship that was so young, i wasn't. I was hurting and he didn't seem to give two fucks. Who knows if he did, he never told me anything.
He was so secretive. Wouldn't let me look through his camera or his phone.
Even then, i stayed. My friends warned me about him but i didn't listen because i thought what was going on was part of a relationship. I hadn't dated in so long, i forgot. I was hurting day in and day out and slowly things started to change. He didn't call as much and he was distant but no matter what i was there for him supporting. I argued here and there but it was only because i didn't seem to get through when i spoke to him. It was like talking to a wall. No reaction. Did he care about anything? And if he did, he wasn't acting like i was one of those things he cared for. I went days without speaking to him at all yet i claimed him as my boyfriend?
I started to realize arguing wasn't solving anything. Instead i just "let it rock". He called, he called. He didn't, he didn't. We still hung out and just enjoyed each others company which was undeniable. Soon he got a new job at a golf club and his stress level was higher. We stayed together but things got harder for me. I was completely neglected. He worked double shifts and i was left in the sidelines. Breaking up became a topic that kept coming up and eventually it became a reality. We broke up so he could focus. I was crushed. How could he turn his back on the me when i ahd done nothing but support him, his family, his life. I did nothing but respect him and felt abandoned.
I blame the fact that i gave so much. I gave so much too soon because i wanted to feel cared about. He cared in the begining i don't doubt that but things changed once i started to feel the "relationship pressure". Now i am left with nothing. For days i tried to figure out what went wrong and why we couldn't work it out.
It was only a job. Tons of couples have relationships and work two and three jobs. I am yet to know the answer. I think it was just an excuse to get away. The route a "boy" would take.
I may never know whats going on in his mind but i'm done trying to figure it out when i know the worst thing that i had done was be a girlfriend. I wasn't his friend anymore. I wasn't his homie and he forgot that some where along the lines.
Yes! i am angry because i let you in when i had worked so hard to build my guard. I let you meet my mother for god sakes. I don't let any guy meet anyone significant in my life and you did, but you just left me to feel stupid in front of so many people that i went against for you. i went against people i respected, for you.
Now i truly understand why they say NEVER mix love and friendship. I was a good person throughout and i refuse to doubt my character for someone that drained so much of me from myself.
I am not here to bash him because i still think he is an amazing kid but that was all he was, a kid. I am at a whole different level of life than he is. College and adulthood. Making decisions that determine the rest of my life while he is just dealing with getting out of high school. He looked older but it did not make up for his actual age, he is eighteen and eighteen is how he behaved.
He was looking for fun and i was looking for commitment. A guy that could support me if we stayed together long enough. He was not that guy.
He dealt with alot (yes i admit that) but so did I. At times i miss the little things like hand holding and just laying around with him but i realize that in the long run they would have done nothing for me. I'm glad it ended now before i really got heart broken. I wish him the best because he is incredibly talented.
I'm positive HE will come across this blog and honestly i am glad he will because at least then he can read how i feel all at once rather than hear it in bits and pieces.
I trust i won't be in a relationship for a good long time because perhaps i'm not ready for one quite yet and i am definitely okay with that especially after my learning experience. I had fun while it lasted.
With that said, i vow to never speak of this again. If we become friends again, fine. If not, thats just the way the cookie crumbles.
Its hard to let go and i may never completely get over the one kid i set aside all my morals for but all i can do is pray for a better tomorrow.
You'll leave my dreams soon enough.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Hey Dey.
I was on the edge about The Dey but i'm really starting to like them.
They are something different for the mainstream, a good different.
I downloaded a few of their tracks and can't stop listening to them. Personal favs are And I Miss You & I Need You (their latest single)
They are something different for the mainstream, a good different.
I downloaded a few of their tracks and can't stop listening to them. Personal favs are And I Miss You & I Need You (their latest single)
Since You've Been Gone.
Day 26 dropped a new single, Since You've Been Gone. I love.
"since you've been gone i just can't seem to get by"
if only life was like an R&B music video where the ending is happy.
"since you've been gone i just can't seem to get by"
if only life was like an R&B music video where the ending is happy.
To Pimp or Not To Pimp.
new reality tv show hosted by Jamie Foxx features men that get all they want with the ladies but what happens when they are forced to change from pimps to gentlemen.
i hate, hate, hate reality tv but i really want to see what Jamie can do because lord knows changing a man is probably one of the top ten most difficult tasks of life. Take my word on that.
Solemate.
Don't you just hate when you go to the city and all the good sneaker stores are predominantly for men?
Here is a video of two Chicago journalists and their take on the sneaker culture from a women's perspective.
Having tons of male friends i can truly relate.
Next trip to Chicago, i'm going to "Solemate".
Here is a video of two Chicago journalists and their take on the sneaker culture from a women's perspective.
Having tons of male friends i can truly relate.
Next trip to Chicago, i'm going to "Solemate".
I See London, I See France.
Lauren London, why exactly are you famous? Eh, your still beautiful. I want your hair or shall i say hair stylist ha.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Must Be Obvious.
that i'm not being myself. i guess i need a break. i will be back when i'm done sorting things out.
whenever that is.
whenever that is.
Monday, June 23, 2008
New New New.
new pussycat doll video for when i grow up. well new to me, ha.
i love it
cute as always.
Peanut Butter & Banana Sandwiches.
are good but bring back memories, beautiful memories.
memory: "you like peanut butter and banana sandwiches too!?"
me:"yes"
memory:"will you marry me?"
do you take that back? my answer is yes.
memory: "you like peanut butter and banana sandwiches too!?"
me:"yes"
memory:"will you marry me?"
do you take that back? my answer is yes.
I Believe The Signs, Sometimes.
i wonder if astrology is real. I've been reading mine daily. i guess with all this negativity its nice to read some good news even if it's coming from the stars but is it stupid for people to base their life around something that could be an imaginary? something that's based on a belief. its always nice to believe something. that there is more to life than what is.
Leo, The Lion.
Don't fly off the handle due to any shocking news that might come your way, today -- you might be only getting part of the story, so it's very unwise to connect the few dots you've been given. Wait for this story to develop more fully over the next few days. You will probably see that not only are things more complicated than you had heard, they're also none of your business. Making assumptions will only lead to problems. So when you get that email or text, just hit 'delete' and move on.
My horscope for the day. I wonder.
It's strange when you read things that are so close to your current situation. I guess i'll have to believe the stars with this one.
Leo, The Lion.
Don't fly off the handle due to any shocking news that might come your way, today -- you might be only getting part of the story, so it's very unwise to connect the few dots you've been given. Wait for this story to develop more fully over the next few days. You will probably see that not only are things more complicated than you had heard, they're also none of your business. Making assumptions will only lead to problems. So when you get that email or text, just hit 'delete' and move on.
My horscope for the day. I wonder.
It's strange when you read things that are so close to your current situation. I guess i'll have to believe the stars with this one.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Wife, Woman, Friend. There Is A Difference Ladies
"but i couldn't shake him he was like a bad habit and all this for a nigga that was just average doing average nigga shit like talking out the side of his neck and thinking with his dick but i must admit i was the one that wanted to commit so either i wasn't living up to my potential or i was just the average chick."
Brighter Note.
i created my second blog. it is all pretty thanks to my lovely friend Justin
and feel free to "follow me" if you are a tumblr user too.
justinesamantha.tumblr.com
Enjoy.
and feel free to "follow me" if you are a tumblr user too.
justinesamantha.tumblr.com
Enjoy.
Scratch That
Parting with something you care about is probably the most difficult task of life.
No, life isn't meant to be easy but neither is loss. Time heals everything. Right?
I am a mixture of all these emotions. I can't control them like i once used to. I hate to show that i've lost control but i have.
I am angry but not at you. at myself. I am fustrated because i can't seem to get you to sit down for a moment and just talk to me. Your busy with your amazing new job, i understand. i am sad because i feel like all i did for you and all the people i met in your life was simply time wasted. I am missing you because nothing is the same. Why can't we just go back to where we started?
I go to sleep hoping to wake up from this dream but i never do. I wake up at 7 am, 8 am, 9 am because i can't seem to sleep peacefully. Someone tell me when this terrible feeling will fade? i'm dying to know.
Album of the Moment: Just Like You by the Lovely Keyshia Cole
No, life isn't meant to be easy but neither is loss. Time heals everything. Right?
I am a mixture of all these emotions. I can't control them like i once used to. I hate to show that i've lost control but i have.
I am angry but not at you. at myself. I am fustrated because i can't seem to get you to sit down for a moment and just talk to me. Your busy with your amazing new job, i understand. i am sad because i feel like all i did for you and all the people i met in your life was simply time wasted. I am missing you because nothing is the same. Why can't we just go back to where we started?
I go to sleep hoping to wake up from this dream but i never do. I wake up at 7 am, 8 am, 9 am because i can't seem to sleep peacefully. Someone tell me when this terrible feeling will fade? i'm dying to know.
Album of the Moment: Just Like You by the Lovely Keyshia Cole
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
As Of Lately
i've been feeling different. A good different.
i used to dwell on things because i was afraid of getting hurt. i constantly overanalyzed situations and only stressed myself out.
no one was hurting me, i was hurting myself.
now i am learning to go with the flow and just let things take their course.
life is way more beautiful.
i am happier. finally.
i used to dwell on things because i was afraid of getting hurt. i constantly overanalyzed situations and only stressed myself out.
no one was hurting me, i was hurting myself.
now i am learning to go with the flow and just let things take their course.
life is way more beautiful.
i am happier. finally.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Game I Feel Yo' Pain.
I must! Because i was in the room acting like Keyshia Cole. There is just something abou this song that makes me want to listen to it over and over and just head out to Cali-for-Nia.
"paying homage because you paved the way for me"
"paying homage because you paved the way for me"
On The Air.
why does the radio always play the same songs like 100 times throughout the day. Shouldn't the radio put me on to new music rather than make me want to never listen to certain songs again.
Let me show you a list of songs i never want to hear again:
1. Bust It Baby
2. A Millie
3. Lollipop
4. Heaven Sent
good day.
Let me show you a list of songs i never want to hear again:
1. Bust It Baby
2. A Millie
3. Lollipop
4. Heaven Sent
good day.
He's Just Not That Into You
i need to see this movie thanks to Samantha Marie's Blog
based on the book. i love the first scene of this trailer, maybe because it reminds me of myself. ugh.
based on the book. i love the first scene of this trailer, maybe because it reminds me of myself. ugh.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Chrisette Oh Chrisette.
I peeped this song, Love is You on VH1 soul and instantly fell in love. You might recognize Chrisette Michele from Nas' track Can't Forget About You
great song for a unique voice.
Trust.
I have let go of my trust issues. I've probably said this one time too many but i am slowly seeing why i should. Trust is a luxury but i also don't want to be afraid to hand it out to the point that i am ruining the best thing that have happened to me.
050908
050908
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Bitch I Taught Him.
word.
"i'm actually glad to hear it from the lips that left lipstick on my mans collar"
"i'm actually glad to hear it from the lips that left lipstick on my mans collar"
Thursday, June 5, 2008
I Am Looking For An Internship
Any suggestions please make them.
Magazine Internship or a Newspaper Internship.
thanks.
Magazine Internship or a Newspaper Internship.
thanks.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Guns, Gats & Music.
4fifth Mixtape
Ill mixtape by my pal 4five from DefbyAssociation.com
buy something. definitely worth it.
Ill mixtape by my pal 4five from DefbyAssociation.com
buy something. definitely worth it.
Reality Goes To Hollywood.
Yes i watch Real World Hollywood every Wednesday. Why? because suprisingly this show is really captivating and Greg makes me crack up every episode. I hope he doesn't get booted off the show on tonite's episode.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
I'm Lovin' It.
Little Brother & Joe Scudda. I love the fact that 9th wonder produced this track. Everything he produces is amazing, so it's no suprise i instantly fell in love with this song.
It Makes You Burn To Learn I'm With Another Man
i love how maroon 5 remixed the If I Never See Your Face Again track with Rihanna. She looks and sounds great. The video is well done. No complaints from me. Enjoy.
Monday, June 2, 2008
The Kittens Are Back In Action
The Pussycat Dolls are back with the single When I Grow Up. Its ultra sexy. Makes me want to do a little burlesque.
Where The Party At?
i've been on summer break for about a month now and i have gone to one club in all the time. what the hell is that shit?
where the party at bitches. I want liquor and dancing.
then i'll be a happy camp-bell.
where the party at bitches. I want liquor and dancing.
then i'll be a happy camp-bell.
But Don't You Wish You Had Her Ass
Everyone seems to dislike Kim Kardashian and think she is a hoe. Honestly i am a huge fan and think she is stunning. She flaunts what god gave her, no crime in that.
If i was her i'd do the same.
So what she has a sex tape, don't all the other 209049384 celebrities?
If i was her i'd do the same.
So what she has a sex tape, don't all the other 209049384 celebrities?
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