Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I Got A Thing For A Chick Named Nicki







i've fallen in love with nicki minaj. don't ask why. i just love her. she is the truth. best believe her mixtape is on my ipod.

"thats word to hip hop, i pop the bitch top, like a corona. CALL THE CORONER! theres going to be alot of bled dresses and chest vest-es if i find out he got a next misses"

Monday, July 28, 2008

Goodbye New York.

i'd love to move to california. i plan to live there for at least one year.

i went to Los Angeles once and instantly fell in love. people are so much more mellow than they are in New York. it could be the great weather. New Yorkers are so angry. it would be nice to switch up my life a bit. add a little excitement and remove some of the stress that the New York atmosphere has not only started but fueled.

i am definitely going to look into grad schools in california for once i graduate Pace University. i mean i could definitely find a magazine or newspaper i could write for and possibly roommate with my cousin whom is all about traveling.

two years left of undergraduate. next stop California? i hope so. nothing is holding me back so i don't see why not.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

& I Never Really Cared.

its ironic how you can look back on a situation that you once cried over and laugh.

well, that is how i react every time i think of a guy from my past. the people that did nothing for me other than make me want to pull my hair out and give me unneccessary stress. stimulate my mind? hardly.

every guy i've dated had the selfish trait. the "i'm the shit" type attitude. my mind was the last thing on their to-do list. either they had no goals in life or they had too many to find time to understand me completely. i was fucked with each and every single one of them from the moment i let them in my life.

the only person to blame was myself. i put myself in these predictments over and over. it was only inevitable that i get hurt. i chose to be with these guys and dedicate my valuable time. they all lacked the type of traits i go for when it comes to commitment and creating futures.

looking back, i wasn't hurt. i was disappointed at yet another bad guy polluting my life with negativity.

i am convinced that i end up with these selfish guys because i am equally as selfish. karma. other times i think i never really cared for any of the relationships but instead i cared about idea of being "together" with someone. a hopeless romantic.

in reality i was never "with" these people. i didn't turn to these people for support, i turned to myself. day in and day out. i still do.

they walked away from me faster than they came into my life which speaks thousands about their characters.

i never once needed them.

i truly am thankful for all the bad relationships simply because i am so much stronger. i am completely numb to people that don't appreciate me. i don't cry, i take it as a life lesson and move on.

each bad seed taught me that i settle too much. yes, i expect from people but everyone does. i expect because i know what i deserve and less is not it. all these guys were less and i never should have bargained, especially when my emotions were involved.

"you only get used when you leave room to be used"

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Dance, Dance.


Lady Gaga feat. Colby O'Donis & Akon - Just Dance.mp3

currently obsessed with this video.

Thank You Words.

a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. i am no longer stressed out, angry, hurt or upset. it is safe to say i am back on solid ground. thanks to my writing.

goodbye hurt and despair.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Anthony David.



Anthony David. A true musician and lyricist.

my track suggestions.

1. Anthony David feat. India Arie - Words
2. Anthony David feat. Keisha Jackson - Lady
3. Anthony David - Cheatin' Man
4. Anthony David - Believe Me

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Time Heals Everything.

it's been about 4 weeks since he walked away from us and for about 4 weeks i've been pretending i don't care. pretending that we weren't together long enough for him to break my heart. well, he did.

i just haven't admitted it to myself.

the only explanation for my "act" is that i've been rushing the moving on period because it was what everyone around me wanted. in reality i have not moved on but pushed the situation to the side.

i revisit the day he told me that we should just be friends. the words came through the phone and hit me like blows to the face. friends? i have enough friends. i was in shock.

4 weeks later and we aren't even on speaking terms. i think that bothers me the most. the fact that i'm not worth his time anymore but i had sacraficed so much of mine for him, for us.

readers don't be mistaken. i am still focused on my life and career goals but i am only human. my emotions are unexplainable. i am not hurting quite as much as i was a week after the separation but i do feel like he took a piece of me with him when he left.

its funny, i thought i was prepared for another relationship. all the ups and downs. honestly, you can never be prepared to fall for someone. i lost my better judgement with you and at the time i liked it, until it all crashed and burned. my second real heartbreak.

I've tried to hate him but honestly i don't. i refuse to be bitter towards the situation or hold a grudge. i just miss what we had. i know i wasn't with him for long but the time spent felt like a lifetime. breaking up might open the door to new opportunities but he still holds the title for most compatible until i truly move on. it might be another week, or a month. time will heal my wound. i just need to give myself time. the time i deserve.




"although i really love you, i am going to smile because i deserve to. it will all get better with time"
- Leona Lewis, Better With Time

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Brother Blues.

"why am i disrespected by someone i should call brother"
- Karina Pasian

a line from the song Sixteen At War. it is my favorite line of the entire track because it's the one line that really made me think.

there are lots of misconceptions about the word brother. most people think it is a word that is only used in the black community and for the most part that is true but i have always felt the word brother was a word that generalized men as a whole. white, black, spanish, asian.

every man is a potential "brother".

a man that is respected, a man with ambition, a man that will protect and provide, a man that understands and respects the importance of women to the society. a man that does nothing to make people question his status and masculinity. a real man.

these men usually say the phrase, "my mother raised me better than that" often.

that is where, Karina's line comes into the picture. boys are raised as brothers but when they become men they have the choice to abandon the unwritten brother code or continue to lead a respectable and honest life.

a life that does not involve degrading women.

honestly, i am yet to meet a brother. a man that is with me for all the right reasons, reasons other than sex. what has happened to the tradional male?

well media happened. video vixens. rappers that promote infidelity. porn. fiction.

gentlemen i have news for you all, ladies prefer "brothers". real men. we want a man that has it all together. a man that doesn't run away from his problems when the going gets tough.

i am patiently waiting to meet my "brother" and when i do i know i will be happier than i have been with non-brothers of my past.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Alter Ego.

I think everyone has an alter ego. A person we wish we could be. A person with a naughty hidden talent or a secret fetish. A person with a aspiration or dream that doesn't fit your unfortunate stereotype (i say "unfortunate" because i hate the phrase "you fit the stereotype").

Alter egos are hidden in the darkest spaces of a person's mind because they have the ability to cause controversy with friends, family, co-workers but deep down most people want to let that person out.

and eventually they do.

i have reached that point. i want to abandon the good girl and really experience the world. do things i wouldn't normally do, but have been wanting to for a long time.

i think i have every right to feel this way. for my entire life i have maintained this image, the image that people have stuck me with, the good girl.

i didn't choose the image, it chose me. i am not a "good girl". i am justine, a growing and developing young women. the only difference was that i understood the importance of staying focused in school and taking care of business before i had fun. i guess, i got stereotyped just like everyone else in the world.

for so long i have wondered. what exactly is it to be a good girl?
well i've come up with tons of factors, that make me "good".

- i am nice to everyone.
- i like school
- i am parent approved
- i am focused on my future and rarely "stray" from my goals

yes, i am all of these things but i am so much more. i am truly sick and tired of being defined off of these few attributes. i am a teenager (soon to be 20). i like to have fun too.

i am tired of hearing people say "oh, justine wouldn't do that". oh, but i would and i want to and i will! i feel like people will never understand me, if they constantly speak for me (my mother does it all the time, she is president of the club).

i am going to shed the image. no, i don't mean hanging with the wrong crowd or sleeping around. i mean being less on the safe side and squeezing the juice out of my youth fruit tree. it is part of my huge change (the one i've been speaking about for the past few posts). i am going to live for the moment because i only have one, my life is that moment. with that said, i am going to start dating again. i am going to start clubbing with my friends more and simply enjoying my life without a care in the world. the party i threw last week definitely pushed me towards abandoning my stereotype wieght that i have carried since my elementary school days.

my birthday is coming. i am planning for a wonderful, crazy, spontaneous time. the perfect way to spend my 20th birthday. i can't wait. two weeks. a chance to be the "bad girl", i've been dying to be.

(perhaps getting my tattoo as a gift for myself? hm. i bet no one expected that one)

Not A Girl But Not Quite A Woman.

Girls want to control the man in their lives. Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.

Girls try to put a man 'on lock' by using sex. Grown women know that it's the sex of the mental kind that makes a man want to 'lock' you down.

Girls are afraid to be alone. Grown women revel in it-- using it as a time for personal growth.

Girls make you come. Grown women make you feel/think/grow.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their men. Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

Girls try to monopolize all their man's time and money. Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special

Girls think a guy crying is weak. Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.

Girls want to be spoiled and tell their man so. Grown women show him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate w/o fear of losing his manhood.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it. Grown women know that that was just one man.

Girls fall in love, chase aimlessly after the object of their affection ignoring all signs. Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, doesn't always love you back -- and move on, without bitterness.


-Unknown

i'd like to thank Queen of my Castle for the great post on women versus girls.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Intruder Alert

"She said there was no love in her heart,
cause one day a rapist attacked her and broke that all apart.
She said there was no way to fix it or to cover her scars.
Then one day a guy came along that probably could help her start.
He was sincere, made her believe it was safe for her to trust again,
before long she was cool with givin hugs to him.
Knew that it was right, cause somethin was wrong.
The alarms in her mind didn't tell her that he didn't belong
because there was no intruder alert"


Lupe Fans are probably familiar with the lyrics to this song. It is my favorite track off of The Cool album simply because it has the most meaning for me.

Video Bitches At My Wedding?



sistah sommore. i was dying of laughter when i first saw this video. i had to to share.

Inspirational.




change is necessary.

Time For Change.

i have so much going on in my mind and i am so busy trying to help others that i don't bother to stop and think, i'm neglecting myself.

for the past week i have been at home just thinking. i really needed this alone time. it felt wonderful to just sort out all my tangled thoughts.

i've come to a bunch of new conclusions about my life and what needs to be changed or just removed. i even started a new routine where i pray at night (i find a different prayer to recite before i sleep and when i wake up). i am not religious but it is working wonders (and long overdue). i feel happier than i did about two weeks ago when i thought my world was coming to an end. for the sake of a boy? it is so unlike me.

thanks to this past week i feel like i can really have a new beginining because i am no longer doubting myself.

i have wonderful people in my life. my friends and family. people that will support me no matter what i choose to do.

i can't believe i truly let myself take my anger out on them. i apologize and i love you all.

i AM a talented and intelligent young woman. i never used to think that way about myself but now i do. i am completely capable of being successful in the world of writing or any career for that matter.

i have even taken a little iniative and started preparing for my junior year of college. i am currently searching for magazines i can intern with, or prestigious blogs i can write for.

side note: i am also in the process of finding ways to get more feed back on my two current blogs, feel free to make suggestions

life is exactly where i want it to be. it has always been but i just lost sight of my goals because i became "sidetracked". a few bumps in my road of life but i am back on track. i have re-evaluated myself and changed my negative attitude.

because if i don't support myself, who will?

Little Ol' Jackie.



little jackie - the world should revolve around me.mp3

"my man just left me, what do you know
easy come, easy go
he came out of the blue and went right back into it"

"i'm an endangered species and these types of flowers don't grow on earth"

i was convinced the song was great once i heard these two lines. i adore the confidence of the song. its the perfect pick-me-up song. i think every female thinks this way after a break up. i certainly do! ha.

my ex got his name all over this song dedication.

side note: i just love how Rosie Perez is in the video.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Confession.

i have a confession to make. i am obsessed with disco music.

yes, its true. ever since i was about 4 years old i have been obsessed with disco music. when i was in elementary school my mom would make saturday night disco night. she would turn on 103.5 KTU (the old school station for all you non-new yorkers/jersey residers) and she would teach my younger sister and myself how to hustle. i am probably one of the only 19 year olds that knows how to hustle equally as good as i can do the two step.

side note: on weekdays i would force my little sister to practice dancing the hustle, ha.

i don't know what it is about disco music but i am in love with it. i will probably have disco/freestyle music at my wedding.

i am convinced i was a disco queen in a past life. hustling in studio 54 right beside my mother.

Sixteen At War.



Karina Pasian - Sixteen At War.mp3

i fell in love with this video the first time i saw it. the message behind the song is powerful.

respect yourself or no one else will.

Nothing Like Monae.



i have to admit, i didn't get into Janelle Monae when i first heard she signed on with Bad Boy a few months back but i downloaded a few songs recently and fell in love with her music. she is original.

i am hoping Diddy keeps her around. definitely a good look for his record label.

Jazmine Sullivan.



i posted this video on my tumblr and thought i'd share it with my blogspot family as well.

Jazmine Sullivan - I Need You Bad.mp3

the video is equally as lovely as the song.

The Way That I Love You.

MEME Rules:
1. put your itunes/ music player on shuffle
2. for each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT. After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!
(i will not be tagging anyone but feel free to try this out, its fun!)

Questions

if someone says "is this okay?, you say?
Lil Wayne - All Alone.mp3

what would best describe your personality?
Al Green - Lets Stay Together.mp3

what do you like in a guy/girl?
Q-tip - Breathe and Stop.mp3
(haha, what?)

how do you feel today?
erick sermin feat. marvin gaye - just like music.mp3

what is your life's purpose?
fall out boy - the carpal tunnel of love.mp3

what is your motto?
john mayer - any given thursday.mp3

what do your friends think of you?
dequite - chica mala.mp3
(lmfao! dique)

what do you think of your parents?
busta rhymes - everybody rise.mp3
(okay? ha)

what do you think about very often?
dwele - weekend love.mp3
(i do?)

what is 2+2?
amerie - can't let go.mp3
(what?)

what do you think of your best friend?
lil wayne - tha mobb.mp3
(why is this actually the perfect song for her/him)

what do you think of the person you like?
fall out boy - a little less sixteen candles, a little more touch me.mp3
(haha okay?)

what is your life story?
3LW - I Do.mp3
(i suppose)

what do you want to be when you grow up?
Masta Ace - Nostalgia.mp3

what do you think when you see the person you like?
Linkin Park - Easier To Run.mp3
(lmfao, most likely it is)

what do your parents think of you?
Lil Wayne - I Feel Like Dying.mp3
(haha probably a sign i need to find an apartment soon?)

what will you dance to at your wedding?
Maroon 5 - The Sun.mp3

what will they play at your funeral?
Jewel - Down So Long.mp3
(it is actually a really pretty song to have at a funeral)

what is your hobby/interest?
Jimi Hendrix - Voodoo Child.mp3
(what the hell? not really haha)

what is your biggest secret?
notorious big - victory.mp3

what do you think of your friends?
wyclef jean feat. lil wayne - sweetest girl.mp3

what should you post this as?
ashanti - the way that i love you.mp3
(of course it would be a stupid love song)

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Mr. White.



brian white is my ideal man. you might recognize him from his role in Stomp the Yard.

he is passionate about his career as an actor and he understands the importance of building and maintaining a relationship with God. White has faith and ambition. two of the most attractive traits a man can have.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Music To My Ears (Edited).

(i decided to re-do "the seven" songs list because i realized how sugarcoated the last list was.)

1. Musiq Soulchild - HalfCrazy.mp3
every time i hear this track i can't help but think of my ex boyfriend because the lyrics describe exactly how i feel for him and the friendship that i miss.


"never thought that we would be more than friends
now i'm all confused because for you i have deeper feelings
we both thought it was cool to cross the line and i was convinced it would be alright
now things are strange, nothing is the same and really i just want my friend back"

2. Amerie - Paint Me Over.mp3
my last relationship left me feeling like i had lost a part of myself because i had given up so much for the sake of "us". i listen to this song daily to remind myself that things happen for a reason and despite the fact that i still care, i have to look out for my best interest and maintain my strength.

"i close my eyes and memorize the girl that i was before there was us"

3. Musiq Soulchild - Where You Are (Is Where I Wanna Be).mp3
its funny how listening to a song can really make you miss a person. i get that feeling with this track.

"being apart got the best of me
and i know that in life there are no guarantees
please say that you still got love for me because i am missing home"

4. Lauryn Hill - I Get Out.mp3
powerful song with a powerful message.

"you just want to use me
you say love then abuse me"

5. Ashanti - Scared.mp3
exactly how i feel when it comes to meeting new guys that say they are nothing like the rest.

"got me afraid to let my heart go"

6. Dwele - Open Your Eyes.mp3
beautiful remake of the original. i had it dedicated to me by my exboyfriend and ever since then i've been madly in love with the song. particularly this version.

"open your eyes
you may never find a love thats right"

7. Donell Jones - My Apology.mp3
I really love "The Journey of A Gemini" album.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

We Just Want To Dance.



NERD feat. Santogold & J - My Drive Thru

Seeing Sounds is the album of summer 2008, hands down.
(Santogold i love you a little more for this track)

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Don't Get Comfy.


"if you want to leave, be my guest. you can step"

Honestly Lil Wayne, can you be any more of a asshole?
Only benefit to this song is the fact that Babyface is on the track.

Why Would You Lie About Anything At All?



Vampire Weekend - Oxford Comma.

definitely my favorite band of the summer.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Bon Jour Belle.

Secret Diary of a Call Girl

Secret Diary of A Call Girl tonight at 10:30pm on Showtime.

the show follows the true story of a upper class european prostitute. i don't like watching television but this show sparked my interest. apparently the real "Belle" started a blog where she shared all her sexual escapades as a "call girl", the blog became succesful which then led to the production of the show.

End Of The Road Is Easy For A Man.

"people say everything happens for a reason. these people are usually women, and these women are usually sorting through a break-up. it seems that men can get out of a relationship without even a 'goodbye', but apparently, women have to either get married or learn something."
- Carrie Bradshaw

Men can get out of a relationship without the slightest bit of emotional scarring. Well most men.

Women have to deal with the questions. Questions that occassionally go unanswered. The why and the how.

Most females are familiar with this feeling. The feeling of being "left" without a clear or valid reason. Night after night beating yourself up because you have no one to blame. No way of releasing your anger because the one person you can express your hurt to has turned thier back on the relationship completely.

How would i know? Well, I have been in that position more than once. It's stressful.

The more i go through it the more i am realizing that its not only me but every female. Why is it we have to be the ones to hurt?

"how can love escape your grasp without ever letting go?"
- Musiq Soulchild

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Hand Job? No Hancock.

i went to go see the movie Hancock. yes, yet another super hero film that i fell in love with. Will Smith & Charlize Theron did an incredible job. No suprise there.

hancock


Definitely a film i suggest everyone go see.
Apparently this summer is the summer for superheros & villains. ha.

Promoting Sex Never Sounded So Good.



i have been in love with Yung Berg's song The Business featuring Casha since it first came on the radio. catchy if you ask me.

here is the video. enjoy.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Brotha I Got News For You.



I am tired of hearing people complain about how hard things are for them.

Life is hard. Life is fucked up. Life is a bitch. No matter how you put it, life is not easy. There are bumps and hurdles that we as people have to get past. Just like you have problems and troubles, so do i.

Life is all of these negative things but life goes on. the world isn't against you. you can only be against yourself. remain strong for you and you only then maybe life will be more of a learning experience rather than a burden.

Double Threat

introducing the latest additions to my blog roll.

Photobucket
Nana Castro


Photobucket
Rissa


enter the mind of two strong females.
(click the name below the picture to visit blog)

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

10 Ways To Avoid Trouble In Paradise

For those of you that have kept up with my blog know i have no shame saying what i have to say especially when it comes to romance. I have seen and heard it all. For the first time i am actually trying to take sides with the male perspective. My last relationship definitely taught me how to do that and based on my own personal mistakes here are 10 things you should not do if your "involved". Ladies we can get a little crazy at times (not always but sometimes) so take notes and try not to get mad at me for this post.


1. It's Only The Internet
myspace and facebook can be the source of every couples fustration. trust me i know. try not to let the "groupies" get to you. remember he chose to be with you and not the girl on the other side of the computer screen. if it really bothers you casually bring it up and don't jump to conclusions.

2. Don't Snoop
if you assume the worst, the worst is what you'll find. if you think homeboy is cheating let the facts come to you. they don't say patience is a virtue for nothing. do not snoop. i repeat do not snoop. a simple email from a co-worker or friend might lead to "he cheated" when it could really just be a casual conversation.

3. Keep The Past In The Past.
i know this one is difficult for the ladies that have been through alot when it comes to the opposite sex but most people don't go out their way for just anyone especially guys. if he is a gentlemen and treats you with respect then he most likely cares for you the way he says he does. i honestly don't think 112 made the song Cupid for their health. try not to bring up the past and compare. let time tell and just live for the moment.

4. Remain Calm At All Costs.
as hard as it is to keep your calm when you are angry at your significant other, never abandon your place as a lady. stay calm. evaluate the situation. use logic. screaming and nagging only makes the guy block you out. how can he listen to someone that is assuming the worst (i mean anyone would hate that).

5. Men Are From Mars & Women Are From Venice
men and women are completely different. a women is more emotional and that is a fact. men on the other hand are emotional but usually keep it to themselves and don't show it as much, of course they don't want to abandon their masculinity (NO HOMO? lol). Keep that in mind. What you might find to be the biggest deal in the world might be insignificant to your guy. Don't turn litle mistakes into big deals. People make mistakes. Don't cry.

6. Let Him Do His Thang
you have to let your guy live life. he can't be with you 24/7. It gets boring. If he wants to go out with his friends let him. you let him in your life so you should have enough trust in him to let him go out. do the same ladies and you will feel less stressed. he had a life before you so let him do what he usually does (except if its unhealthy or unsafe, ha). remember he comes home to you.

7. Friendship to Foe Is A No, No
if you were friends with your boyfriend before he wifed you try not to think about his old ways. he obviously felt the need to let you know in the first place. the past is the past like i said, so keep it there. he likes you!

8. Sex On The Brain?
yes guys think about sex alot and 90% of the time they have it on the brain but they do have the other 10% working and functioning. sex is not everything to them. they feel too and have emotions and want a female with depth and personality. stop thinking he is with you for the pussy. a real guy will tell you straight up if thats what he wants and if he stays around after the deed then that says thousands. it means even more if he's willing to wait. do not take that for granted especially it today's society.

9. Never Be Rude To His Dudes.
if you feel angry with your significant other in a social event that involves his circle of friends do not take it out on them. do not blame his friends for his behavior. always be respectful of the people in his life. guys like it when you get along with their friends. do you really want to be known as the bitch girlfriend. yes guys talk, they will fear you and not want you around. you do not want that.

10. Be Confident, Not Petty.
don't doubt yourself. even if your boyfriend is the hottest thing under the sun. he chose you dear. he wants your mind, body and soul. who cares what other girls think about you two. you have him, and thats all that matters. never put yourself down. it only lets the outsiders win. shine on and know your beautiful.

11. He Said She Said
do not listen to your friends and their opinions on your boyfriend. you chose him. you kiss him, sex him, whatever. if you let outside people influence your relationship you will lose that connection with him. guys hate when your friends have shit to say. yes, sometimes its pure shit. go with your heart. the relationship you have built is YOURS and not your friends'. keep stuff to yourself if you have to.
its not called your personal life for nothing.
(threw the 11th one in for fun)

Karma, You Know Her? The Bitch.

"never underestimate the ones you scar because karma karma karma comes back to you hard."
- Lauryn Hill

Santo You Are No Santo.

SantoGold.


meet me at central park for some good ol' santogold loving, july 20th.

a free.99 concert.

I Can Curve A Bullet.

wanted


the Wanted is amazing! The first five minutes of it i was hooked. It is funny, sexy and has tons of action. went to see it with the exboyfriend (yes its true, i hold no grudge). It is definitely a must see.