& I Never Really Cared.

its ironic how you can look back on a situation that you once cried over and laugh.

well, that is how i react every time i think of a guy from my past. the people that did nothing for me other than make me want to pull my hair out and give me unneccessary stress. stimulate my mind? hardly.

every guy i've dated had the selfish trait. the "i'm the shit" type attitude. my mind was the last thing on their to-do list. either they had no goals in life or they had too many to find time to understand me completely. i was fucked with each and every single one of them from the moment i let them in my life.

the only person to blame was myself. i put myself in these predictments over and over. it was only inevitable that i get hurt. i chose to be with these guys and dedicate my valuable time. they all lacked the type of traits i go for when it comes to commitment and creating futures.

looking back, i wasn't hurt. i was disappointed at yet another bad guy polluting my life with negativity.

i am convinced that i end up with these selfish guys because i am equally as selfish. karma. other times i think i never really cared for any of the relationships but instead i cared about idea of being "together" with someone. a hopeless romantic.

in reality i was never "with" these people. i didn't turn to these people for support, i turned to myself. day in and day out. i still do.

they walked away from me faster than they came into my life which speaks thousands about their characters.

i never once needed them.

i truly am thankful for all the bad relationships simply because i am so much stronger. i am completely numb to people that don't appreciate me. i don't cry, i take it as a life lesson and move on.

each bad seed taught me that i settle too much. yes, i expect from people but everyone does. i expect because i know what i deserve and less is not it. all these guys were less and i never should have bargained, especially when my emotions were involved.

"you only get used when you leave room to be used"